Lately...

A student should do

It is the mid-term exam that makes me suffer so much pressure. Perhaps, it is because I do not focus on my study so much that I have to make efforts to make up the neglect of my own duty as a student during mid-term exam. Some of my classmates do not have such a problem because they study hard all the time.

It seems a good time, chance for me to reflect on my past daily lives in the last term. I am aware of that I have too many extracurricular activities, and also indulge in the happiness from those activities too much. Therefore, I lost the sense of responsibility to carry out what a student should do gradually. In order to prevent that worse condition of my study, such as flunking an exam or a course, will happens to me, I made my mind to concentrate more on it. I decided to spend my weekends in the library in the future except for going home. After all, what I can do in the library is limited, including studying, reading, seeing movies, which all benefits my life.

Something complicated made confused

A good guy who is a senior of mine showed up and came into my life. At first sight, I did not know why, but I had to admit he really caught my eye so that we wanted to understand him more. A period of time passed, we became friends because we take the same elective course and attend the same club. We always get along well with other, and we can talk happily with each other all the time. He also expresses his concern for me like my brother. In his presence, an independent, strong girl like me suddenly became a girl who needs to be attended. It is really weird.

Lately, our relationship seems to become better and better even to an unspeakable extent. He is usually willing to keep me company if he is available. We will go to the library for study and go out to have meals together, only he and me. Besides, some of his conduct makes me feel confused that he regards me as a common friend, a close friend like his younger sister, or someone else. For example, first, he did many things that touched my heart indeed. Second, he will frequently feed me like a couple of lovers will do when we have meals together. There are still a lot of matters that makes my thinking complex, confused. He is so sweet, considerate that I strong suspect that I have had a crush on him. However, it bothers my mind that he makes me tend to be accustomed to his company, and want to rely on him involuntarily. I am afraid that I will lose myself gradually, so I try to control my mind, oppress my emotion.

Will it be my first love? I do not know.