Pondering

On a silent Tuesday night, some thoughts came into my mind all of a sudden when I just lay down in my bed. Just in the sudden moment, I was aware of a terrible situation

I remembered that I was as busy as a bee during the whole day. I have seven classes that day, and ordinarily, I have to practice playing volley ball and also singing in the night. But, I have to practice singing earlier than before, and I cannot play volley lately. That’s because our club will have a chorus performance in May, and I hope that I can spend more time focusing on singing, and let my progress catch up with, even surpass others. In addition, my finger and knee got hurt, so I have a reasonable excuse for not going to play volley ball. Then, I thought I can make use of the situation to take a rest and release from the exhausted life temporarily.

Once, I thought that my life will be colorful and full of joy all the time because the members in the chorus, the teammates in the ball team, and my dear friends in the college really made me fell warm and well-beloved. I do not want lost anyone of them indeed. However, I seemed to gradually indulge in the joyful life too much. Also, I have been accustomed to rely on them and hope they can usually keep me company. I did not awake from happy world until something unpleasant happened to me recently in the club. It seemed like a complex thing, and made me feel somehow uncomfortable, confused, lonely, and a little down!

Thank to the things, I was able to calm down, and had a reflection to my daily life again. I realized that my weakness, frailty appeared, but I did want anyone, especially males, to find this. For me, it is such a terrible thing to rely on others. I frequently hope that I need not to be protected by others, and I need not to rely on others’ help. Instead, I expect I can become an independent, hardy, and strong-minded girl. That’s because I am convince that feeble personality will make one vulnerable one day. Therefore, I told myself females and males are all equal individuals, and we girls cannot be so delicate that we always need boys’ assistance. I do not want anybody, especially those whom I love, to worry about me, so I have started to learn how to take good care of myself at an early age. Even though I will feel a little hard and lonely sometime, I will pretend that I am ok and try hard to make myself enjoy the time that I can spend alone.

Further, I thought it is improper that I pour too much of my heart to those leisure activities rather than my study. I have to rethink what my college life should be. Is it what I want? Do I really know what kind of life I am living? Am I really happy? Do I really think that everything is paid off and meaningful? Is my life too busy so that I cannot concentrate on everything? Should I cut off some activities so that I can focus on my study much more? After all, a saying goes, “You cannot sell the cow and drink the milk.” So, it seems to be the time for me to adjust that pace of my life, and reset a long-term goal for my future. Although I am still in my fresh year, I do not want to have any regret at all in my college life.